I was watching the video of the makings of Rocky by Sylvester Stallone (evidently against the imperative to study and do my school work) and frankly I was quite inspired by it. People can criticise the movie, but I kinda enjoyed it. Moreover, his unbeatable spirit and devotion to what his believes in is truly something not many of us can hold to. I wouldn’t wanna dwell too much on the actual process, but one portion of it especially set me in awe; when he described his hunger.
To sidetrack a little, the thing about achievements is, they’re good stuff. They make you feel secured, give you that enhancement of self-worth when you need it the most, everyone needs to feel that they have at least some achievements they can be proud of it. On the other hand, the problem with achievements is that they make you comfortable, sometimes too comfortable that you become weak, soft, and complacent.
In the recent days, I find myself starting to lose my edge and feeling unable to cope with the stress at school, amongst friends, and maintaining my personal principles and stature. Now it’s not like I have never been in situations like these before; they happen all the time before the beginning of a rigorous curriculum where I placed too many expectations upon myself, crash and burn, before finally emerging hanging by the thread. But this time, I did not really want it to be the same. I want to be better.
So I set out, determined to find a way to make things easier. I knew I had to change something about my current lifestyle; diet and exercise won’t really help as much as they already have; stress relieving techniques like playing video games only take my mind off matters for as long as I’m playing them, and they induce an incredible sense of guilt for me to want to indulge into them; talking it out with friends is a viable solution, but unfortunately I do not have that many friends whom I can hold a decent conversation regarding these things. After much thought, I realise how I’ve missed the most obvious problem; I’m always too gloomy. So I made a decision to become more cheerful. Now this might sound like what any random friend would ask me to do, but for those who know me this, this would be a huge step forward, with the significance akin to the discovery of electricity.
Now back to Sylvester Stallone, the thing which he made me realise is that, sometimes we need to put ourselves in a position to succeed. Sure, the sheer will power and determination is necessary, but without the right environment, it will quickly die out, like how he was in the abysmal hole of poverty and hunger, how he burnt all bridges so that he only have one way to go; the only way he wanted to go. I have had a couple of achievements that I’m decently proud of, and they helped me regain my confidence in the past few years. They were really helpful, but if I wanted to come out this stronger, I had to be more extreme, I need to put away all my achievements, dive into the hole of desperate where I have nowhere to go, leave the comfort zone of safety, for it is only then can I raise from the ashes of the obscure like a metaphorical phoenix and attain the greatness I strive for.
Now with the odds of difficulty stacking against me, I feel a strange sense of excitement. It’s not a new feeling and it’s making me unable to control myself, with a mixture of fear yet eagerness for the challenge, like the adrenaline we get before we speak up to a really attractive lady (a feat I still find difficult to accomplish), or like the moments before they announce the results you’re waiting for. I don’t know where I would go from here, or what the precise steps I must take are, but I know I want to overcome, to excel, and to inspire awe. I feel my hunger, before the great looming uncertainty of the future. Wish me luck.
Nightwings, of dust
